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What Happens In A Tantra Massage Session For Men?

Discover what actually happens in a Tantra massage session for men here.

Your questions answered about nudity, lingam massage, erections, the fear of ejaculating, and more. Here you'll learn all about what a Tantra massage includes. Along with all you need to know so that you can have your best Tantra massage experience...

See the comprehensive FAQ page if you have any further questions.

1) How To Get The Best From Your Tantra Massage Experience

To get the most from your experience it helps to have a clear idea of what happens in a Tantra session. This can greatly help to ease your mind and relax your body. Remember, it's perfectly normal to feel a little nervous if this is your first Tantric massage. 

A Divine Ground Tantra Massage is a powerful way for you to begin to heal any split between your body, mind, heart, sex and soul.

This split is often the root cause of ‘sexual dysfunctions’ and ‘performance anxiety’. And can be a key factor in the meltdown of a man’s confidence and self-esteem.

2) When You Arrive For Your Tantra Massage

You’ll receive a warm welcome on arrival. You may share as much or as little as you want to about what you’d like to get from your session. This is time for you.

It’s wise at this stage to ask any questions, or share any concerns that may be in the back of your mind. Because these could prevent you from being fully present if left unasked.

3 questions that often niggle in the back of a man's mind are...

3) What Do You Want From Your Tantra Massage?

You’ll then be invited to share your intention for your session. This could be, for example, wanting to…

  • Let go and receive. If you want to get better at giving, get better at receiving!
  • Experience a deep sense of surrender.
  • Heal a fear of intimacy.
  • Experience pleasure, and the bliss that is your birthright.
  • Enhance current or future intimate relationships.
  • De-stress and reboot.
  • Expand into greater personal and spiritual growth.
  • Be able to let love in.
  • Heal from having been shamed or humiliated around your sexuality.
  • Recover your confidence after a painful break-up.
  • Let go of some old crippling conditioning or programming.
  • Attract a new partner.
  • Connect with the divine intelligence of your own being.
  • Learn how to slow down during lovemaking, how to last longer in bed.
  • Have an embodied experience of the integration of body, mind, heart, sex and spirit.

4) Entering Sacred Space Ritual

At this stage we both change into sarongs. In a Tantra massage, a sarong is considered a ceremonial robe which signifies an acknowledgement of entering sacred space, and a willingness to let go of the ego mind for a while. Along with an intention to be fully present in each moment.

You’ll change into your sarong in a private room. In this ritual, as you take each item of clothing off, you lay it down consciously.

With each item, you're encouraged to have a sense of laying down the various roles you play in life. Along with anything that feels like a stress or a burden to you. 

Then you come back into the room feeling lighter and more present. This simple ritual adds a potent dimension to your experience.

5) Introducing The Element Of Breath

Although you breathe all day every day, most of it is unconscious, done on autopilot.

Breath is an important element in a Tantra Massage. Because the breath is what moves and expands the energy in your being.

There is no need to worry if you’ve never done anything like this before. You'll be gently guided into this simple yet deep breath, and encouraged to stay breathing in this manner for the rest of your session.

6) Calming Your Mind, Connecting With Your Body

  • Do you find yourself living in your head?
  • Thinking about yesterday, or last week?
  • Your last meeting, or your next meeting?
  • What went wrong yesterday, or could go wrong tomorrow?
  • How you'll best deal with a difficult situation?
  • All that you've on your schedule to do?
  • Do you find you spend much time planning and strategizing?

While all these things are important to do, it’s also important to detach from time to time. To reconnect with the divine ground of your own being. After all, your body is an incredible field of intelligence that it’s wise to befriend.

Think about it; right now, you’re not worrying about how much blood is being pumped through each chamber of your heart. Nor fretting about how much air your lungs are taking in with each breath. Whether it’s enough for you to survive the next minute.

You don't have to because the intelligence that’s in every cell of your being has this covered!

In a Divine Ground Tantra massage, you'll consciously use your breath to connect with this incredible field of intelligence within you. To slow your racing mind, and come back into presence, into connection with your body.

A short guided meditation at this point will further assist you with this. So in a few minutes you’re likely to find yourself deeply relaxed, feeling sensations in your body which you weren’t aware of before. While any initial apprehension or nervousness has completely dissolved.

7) Tantric Eye-gazing Ritual

The eyes are the windows of the soul. In the Divine Ground Tantra eye-gazing ritual you relax into a gentle gaze with another soul. Although this is a very simple ritual, it can be a very rich experience.

The terms ‘sex’ and ‘intimacy’ tend to be used almost interchangeably these days.

Whereas in reality, sex is often used as a way to avoid intimacy.

In this ritual you may experience a deep level of intimacy, one that goes way beyond the level of the personality. This simple practice can awaken you to a powerful truth. That intimacy has little to do with what you ‘do’ or how well you ‘perform’. And how, paradoxically, intimacy has everything and nothing to do with an ‘other’.

8) The Tantric Honouring Ritual

This is the final Tantric ritual in this sequence. In this, you stand tall and yet relaxed. With your eyes closed. 

You’ll be encouraged to feel into, or be willing to feel into, that divine presence within every cell of your being. As you do, you’ll receive physical touch on your entire body which honours that presence.

Why Do All These Rituals Before The Massage – Are They Necessary?

Our culture encourages people to live in their heads, distracted and disempowered. It promotes and sustains the split between the body and the mind, and between the heart and the genitals. Though many have little or no conscious awareness of this.

These rituals help you to quiet your busy, over-active mind, connect with and be present in your body. Which you may need to do more than you realise!

In addition, these rituals serve the purpose of…

  • Easing any feeling of apprehension and nervousness.
  • Releasing stress and tension from your body.
  • Bringing you into presence, the only place in which intimacy can exist.
  • Recharging your body with the pure life-force energy of the breath.
  • Waking up all the sense receptors, all the touch receptors on your skin. As your skin feels more alive, the touch you'll receive will feel way more sensual and delicious to you. 
  • Generating a profound sense of ease and peace in your entire being
  • Connecting you with the divine intelligence within you.
  • Preparing you to experience a deep, healing integration in every cell.

If your mind is active throughout a Tantra massage, you’ll only get a fraction of the benefit from it that you could.

So these rituals are an integral part of your Tantra session as they assist you in having the best experience possible.

9) Nudity And Boundaries

Tantra massage is normally practiced with both giver and receiver nude. This signifies and affirms our natural divine innocence.

However, you need to make your own decision about your level of comfort with nudity. I am of course willing to keep my sarong on for the duration of the session if you prefer.

Sometimes the level of pleasure you’re experiencing can seem overwhelming. Your habitual behaviour to want to reach out and touch an ‘other’, or to ‘give’ can come into play.

One of the wonderful benefits of Divine Ground Tantra Massage is that you can experience pleasure fully without having to reciprocate.

My role is that of giver. Touching me is not part of a session. This is your opportunity to totally receive!

10) How To Enhance Your Experience

Your experience will be greatly enhanced by letting go of any expectations of what you may experience, how you might feel etc.

Divine Ground Tantra is a path of presence in each moment.

The massage itself is a very sensual and relaxing massage. The word ‘Tantra’ comes from two Sanskrit words which means ‘to expand’ and ‘to liberate’.

To enhance your experience check out these 2 Tips You Need To Know.

11) A Truly Holistic Massage

Following the rituals described above, you’ll be invited to relax on the massage table. The entire back of your body will receive conscious, loving touch in the form of a long, slow, sensual massage.

Integration and alignment of your sexual energy with your heart centre will be encouraged through a specific sequence of touches.

You’ll be reminded to focus on your breath as this will take you deeper into your experience.

From time to time you may be aware of my stepping back from the table for a minute or two to allow integration to take place.

The oil I use is pure organic virgin coconut oil. No other oils are added to this.

Essential oils may be used in a burner in the room. They are never added to the oil that is used on your body.

When the massage on the back of your body is complete you will be invited to turn over so the entire front of your body can receive the same loving, conscious touch.

12) Introduction To Lingam Massage

Divine Ground Tantra Massage is a truly holistic massage, one that regards every cell of your being as sacred. The term used in Tantra to describe the penis is ‘Lingam’. This means ‘Wand of light’.

This description has quite a different energy about it to many of the terms commonly used in our culture! A lingam massage is offered as a part of this massage.

  • Were you taught while growing up to honour and love your lingam?
  • That it is sacred and can bring you and those you chose to share it with great joy? 
  • Were you encouraged at puberty to fully enjoy and delight in self-pleasuring?
  • Or taught that masturbation is a sin, and was something you felt guilt and shame around doing?

If the latter is the case you may have developed a pattern of masturbating hurriedly with hard, fast stimulation on your lingam.

If so, you may have formed a habit of trying to produce an ejaculation quickly and feel the relief that goes with that.

This sets the stage for a lifetime of experiencing a fraction of the pleasure you could be. And is partly responsible for the frustration and disappointment of not being able to last as long as you want to in lovemaking.

Divine Ground Tantra Massage offers the possibility for you to begin to re-pattern this and to eventually last for as long as you want.

As you’ll probably discover for yourself, any fear of disappointing your beloved will lessen over time.

And your new-found sense of ease can be a doorway into experiencing the deeper emotional and spiritual connection your soul craves.

Your sexuality was never a sin but a portal into an experience of the divinity within you.

Divine Ground Tantra massage is a gateway through which you may learn how to truly connect rather than ‘perform’

Performance creates anxiety, Connection creates ease, joy, bliss.

13) Slow, Gentle, Sensual Lingam Massage

What’s unique about Divine Ground Tantra Massage is the slow, gentle, sensual lingam massage.

This can wake up areas of sensitivity in your lingam you may never have known existed.

Your lingam is an incredibly sensitive organ that over time becomes desensitised for a variety of reasons. Most notably, hard fast masturbation, or sex with the intention of releasing sexual tension or stress.

Can you imagine being able to feel much more in your lingam, and move that pleasure throughout your entire body?

And feel confident when making love that you can feel more, last longer and experience a much deeper emotional and spiritual connection with your partner?

If you’re wondering right now “What happens if I do or don’t get an erection during the massage? What happens if I ejaculate?” These are some of the most frequently asked questions that men ask.

14) The Truth About Erections In A Tantra Massage

It doesn’t matter in the least whether you have an erection or not. Seriously!

You may be so stressed, exhausted and burned out by the time you turn up for a Tantra massage that the last thing your body wants to do is have an erection! 

Instead, you may completely let go into a deep relaxation. Into an ease and peace which you haven’t felt for years. The intelligence and wisdom in every cell of your being knows what you need in every moment. Be open to the possibliity that it may not be an erection in that moment. 

If it is that's fine too!

Even if you have a medical condition, or are on medication which impedes erections, you can benefit tremendously from the massage.

The thought that you should or shouldn’t have an erection is just that, a thought.

If this is accompanied by any sense of self-criticism, self-judgement, shame or fear, breathe into it, allowing the thought and any accompanying feelings to pass

A Divine Ground Tantra Massage is your time to receive loving touch, in which you may experience the deep bliss of your own being. Which is an inherent part of being human. Although many have long shut down to this and merely go through the motions of living and loving.

15) The Fear Of Ejaculating In A Tantra Massage

The fear of ejaculating is the No.1 concern that can sometimes prevent a man from relaxing fully into his experience. 

However, ejaculation during a Divine Ground Tantra Massage very rarely happens because…

Under normal circumstances when you feel aroused and have an erection you probably do these 3 things (if you’re in an appropriate situation to do them of course!):

  • Breathe shallowly into your chest
  • Tighten up your buttocks, thighs, pelvic floor
  • Have some hard fast stimulation on your lingam

By doing the above you are priming your body to ejaculate quickly.

If you do have an erection during a Divine Ground Tantra Massage you’ll be encouraged to do the exact opposite:

  • Breathe in through your lingam and up to your heart centre, that energetic centre of love, compassion and courage in the centre of your chest. So merging all that powerful potent sexual energy with the energy of your heart centre. Then on the exhale breathing this out into every cell in your being. As you do this, you move the energy that’s normally stuck in your pelvis, throughout your body. This greatly reduces any urge to ejaculate. As you melt into an expanded state of bliss, that urge is gone.
  • Totally relax every muscle you normally tighten! It’s common in our culture for men to associate tightening with arousal. In fact, tightening your muscles is a way to resist feeling pleasure. Tightening up is in fact neurologically connected with anxiety and the fight or flight syndrome. When electricity was discovered no-one wanted to go back to oil lamps, As you learn how to enjoy relaxed arousal you’ll never want to go back to tension.
  • The lingam massage in a Divine Ground Tantra Massage is very slow, very gentle and deeply honouring. In combination with your breath and your relaxed state of arousal, you may experience a profound state of deep inner bliss. One that you don’t want to end at all! “I’ve never been touched like that in my life” is a sentiment that’s often voiced following this experience.

16) G-spot/Prostate Massage

This can be an enjoyable and profoundly healing experience for men. It can be included as part of the massage on request.

However, it's often inadvisable to receive prostate massage on a first session.

17) Integrating Your Experience

Your session is brought to a gentle close with a simple integration process using your breath.

You'll then be covered with a warm cosy blanket for ten minutes or so to allow integration to take place.

Rather than jumping up and leaving on completion of your session it is recommended that you take a few minutes to further ground yourself.

This is especially important if you’re going to be driving afterwards.

This time is also an opportunity for you to share any feelings or emotions that might come up for you if you wish.

It can happen that if you go very deep, emotions may surface which you hadn’t expected to.

If this happens, it can sometimes be helpful to speak those out before leaving.

In this way you may have a sense of leaving in the room anything that doesn’t serve your healing or expansion. You may find then that you leave feeling a lot lighter and freer.

If you’re coming for a series of sessions you may be given some easy and enjoyable exercises to practice between each session.

18) 1-to-1 Coaching/Consultations Before Or After Your Tantra Massage

If you’re unsure whether Divine Ground Tantra Massage is the right choice for you right now, an initial one hour consultation can be a great way to explore any issues or questions that arise for you before making your decision.

It is also possible for you to book an hour’s consultation in person, by Skype, Zoom or phone if you find in the days or weeks after a session that you’d like to talk further with me.