February 13

How Can Attending A Bone-fide Tantrika Be Justifiable To A Faithful Christian Husband?


This is one of those questions that’s like the tip of an iceberg and comes with a body of questions beneath it, such as…


Faithfulness, Tantrikas, And Christian Husbands

  • What is your definition of ‘faithful’?
  • In what specific ways do you consider your faithfulness may be in question if you were to visit a Tantrika?
  • What do you imagine yourself doing with a bone-fide Tantrika that you would have to justify?
  • What is your motivation for seeking out a Tantrika?

This question is not one that anyone else can answer for you. It’s one for you to take deep within yourself to reflect on, until you arrive at what is true for you.


Are You Considering Seeking Out A Tantrika Because...

  • You’re experiencing difficulties in your sexual or intimate connection that you haven’t been able to resolve up to now.
  • You, or both of you, believe your intimate relationship could be richer and more satisfying than it is.
  • There’s been no physical affection or intimacy between you for years. You’re craving touch, which is a natural, normal human need. Yet you want to meet that need without being unfaithful.
  • Your wife is urging you to go. Because you’re not at peace with or fully expressed in your sexuality and she believes the experience will be beneficial for you, and in turn for both of you.
  • Your faithfulness is not a free choice which you celebrate, but a duty which you secretly resent. You long for sexual experiences outside of what you see as the confines of your marriage but won’t admit it.

So do men visit a Tantrika to enhance and strengthen their intimate relationship? Absolutely!

My libido has grown stronger and experiencing the combination of sex and spirit has been wonderful.

The effect on my marriage has been profound. Now, even when I go out for a walk with my wife, it feels like we’re making love. The great connection we always had with one another has become even stronger.

When it comes to the physical part of our relationship, it’s amazing. We’re back to making love now for a couple of hours at a time with a heightened sensitivity that’s deeply satisfying for both of us.

Age 67 

Married 44 years

Splitting Sex From Soul

We've had centuries of splitting sex from soul, the genitals from the heart, and spirit from matter. This has created all sorts of distortions and devastated so many marriages, some of which profess to be Christian, and some which don’t.

Religious and cultural conditioning about sex has made authentic intimacy difficult for many, and impossible for some.

Your sexuality is a core part of your human experience. If the glory of God is a human being fully alive, how can that not include being sexually alive?

You can be celibate and yet be sexually alive by flowing your sexual energy within your own being. In our culture we confuse being sexually alive with being sexually active. That's a big mistake! 

“Tantra massage meets you on many different levels, spiritually, sexually, emotionally. It frees and heals you. It opens you in a healthy way to enjoy sex more, to have a greater experience of orgasm. I’m grateful for the benefits it has brought to my relationship so far.

When I feel satisfied it makes me a better lover. If my wife is tired and doesn’t have the energy to make love, I take my time giving to her.

When I’m stressed, sex with my partner is more stressed. I’m more intuitive about her needs now. I can give more to her. This has made such a difference to our relationship.”

Age 50

Married 25 years

The Core Wound On Our Planet

You'll be a sexual, sensual being until the day you die. You'll always have a relationship with your own sexuality, and this is regardless of whether you're connecting sexually with another or not.

If I didn’t believe to my core that my work is divinely inspired and guided, I wouldn’t do it. This split between sex and spirit, and the genitals and the heart, is the core wound on our planet.

What ill do we have as a species that can’t be traced to this? I urge you to reflect on that question.

As A Bone-fide Tantrika

As a bone-fide Tantrika this split is what I’ve dedicated this stage of my life to help heal.

I have a solid background in Christian theology and praxis. In the 1990s I served with the Franciscans for 5 years as Minister of the Word. I hold a Diploma in Theology from Milltown Institute.

This was a time I look back on with great fondness, affection, and deep gratitude.

All this played a part in my own sexual awakening and eventual intense exploration - into both the light and the dark.

Through this I've experienced in every cell in my being how sex and spirit are not opposite ends of a spectrum. They are inextricably linked.

This has been the greatest discovery of my life. ​One I'm committed to sharing, because on the day you discover this for yourself, that's the day everything changes.

That's the day you break free, to love like you've never loved before.

sun in the shape of a heart over the sea

The Sexual Orthodoxy Of Our Times

The prevailing sexual orthodoxy of our times is a harsh taskmaster with all its massive pressures to 'perform', along with all its unrealistic expectations.

This crass orthodoxy is a reaction to the religious and cultural repression of the ages. It's not a liberation. Not by a long shot.

In fact, it's quite the opposite. Robbing way too many of the sheer joy and delight of being a sensual, sexual human being and of experiencing the joy that goes with sharing all that they are with another.

Today’s epidemics of fear of intimacy, performance anxiety, porn addiction and crippling sexual dysfunctions confirm this.

If we're all so much more sexually healthy now, why are these spiralling out of control and causing agonizing pain, devastating lives, marriages and relationships in the process.

There’s still a split. Only now it’s manifesting in a different way and is culturally sanctioned but no less painful.

The Integration Of Sex And Spirit

The integration of sex and spirit is where true healing, expansion and liberation is to be found, and this whether you’re a person of deep faith - or none at all.

I work with men of all faiths, and none. Is there an issue that as a Christian husband you want to resolve?

If you decide that Divine Ground Tantra Massage is not for you, there is another option to working with me.

To opt for coaching/consultation sessions only, which some married men prefer; these are fully-clothed, non-touch sessions. Or Skype sessions can be arranged. These work well where distance is an issue.

In these sessions men don't feel their faithfulness is being called into question in any way. There's nothing they need to justify so they can relax and gain great benefit from these type of sessions.

heart shaped clouds

Transform Your Marriage Into A Cauldron Of Delight

No matter what has happened in your life, today is a new day. You can begin again. You can discover the power of integrating sex and spirit and transform your marriage into a cauldron of delight, joy, and deep soul-ful intimacy.


celibate, Christian, cultural conditioning, dgtm, difficulties, faithful, intimacy, intimate connection, intimate relationship, religious conditioning, sexual connection, sexual energy, sexual experiences, sexually alive, Tantrika, tm, unfaithful, wife

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  1. Hi Abi, what a fascinating topic, I can relate to so much of what you have written here. Having not received any training, instruction, coaching or even given a talk about the facts of life throughout my life and as a result everything about relationships, joy, pleasure was what I assumed it should be. It was only after experiencing the wonderful benefits of a Tantra massage that I began to understand the endless positive possibilities that were within me to experience. I have truly enjoyed reading your posts and what comes across as very clear and unambiguous is your answers to such very important questions. As you know the caption of the High Cross you used on this post was a way of spreading the good news to the people unable to read or write. You have that gift of explaining very difficult questions in a very clear and concise way to take away so much of the anxiety, fear and worry associated with integrating sex and spirit. Your post provides me with great comfort.

    Best Regards,

    1. Thanks John. I love how you express “I began to understand the endless positive possibilities that were within me to experience”.

      I believe it’s so important for each of us to connect with the buried treasure we all carry within. At a time when many are looking to the outside for direction on how to think, how to live, throwing away their personal authority, sovereignty, and abandoning themselves in the process.

      One of the things I so love about offering Divine Ground Tantra Massage is holding a space in which a man often drops into an embodied experience of a profound connection with his body, mind, heart, sex and soul. In which he has a felt experience of integration, of ‘coming home’ to himself. It truly is an honour and a privilege to serve in this way, one that deeply gladdens my heart.

      I love the question that John Moriarty asks “Why can’t we be born again of our own inner radiance?” I witness that birth happening when a man lets go into a deep experience of ‘being’ as they often do in the session. Touching into that inner radiance they were never encouraged to own or embrace in their growing up years. Nor are they by society today!

      As we grew up with a generations old legacy of shame, one of the most healing and expansive things we can do for ourselves, and for humanity today, is to birth that inner radiance, as you’ve done.

      It’s real yet as you know, can’t be accessed with the mind. To go beyond the mind into an embodied experience of integration is to enter the birth canal. Life after that birth is joyful indeed!

      Best regards,

  2. Abi your lists of questions cover a wide range of subjects. Answers are very clear, phrased simply and open ended, leave the inquiring person with space to think further. This is a very worthy document. Mike

    1. Thanks Mike. I don’t know about you but thinking further was never something I was encouraged to do. On the contrary, more oftentimes hearing “The trouble with you is that you think too much”. Seriously!

      Actually, come to think of it, people still tell me that today. Now there are some criticisms I’m very happy to live with. That’s one of them. And if anything I do encourages another to use their God given capacity for constructive, out-of-the-box thinking, that’s something I’m humbly and profoundly grateful for, because as a species we need that right now.

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