February 9

Will I Be Entering Into A Safe Environment?


Going for your first Tantra massage can be a big step to take. 

Before your first appointment you might be wondering...


Will I Be Safe Going For A Tantra Massage?

  • Is this the real deal?
  • What's likely to happen?
  • Will I meet anyone else there other than the therapist?
  • Will she respect my boundaries and be warm, kind?
  • Will I be able to talk freely with her and ask any questions about the Tantra massage?
  • Will I be treated with dignity and respect?
  • Will I be able to express my problems, fears and worries with my therapist in confidence?
  • What will the place be like?
  • How can I be sure that this won't be someone pretending to be a legitimate Tantra practitioner? I don't want to get involved in anything illegal.
dangerous cliffs

What would A Safe Environment Look Like To You?

Are you worried that in going for a Tantra massage you might feel overwhelmed? Out of your depth? Are you afraid you might end up in some sleazy massage parlour set-up? That's ​​nothing like authentic Tantra at all? 

Do you fear...

That you could have a traumatic experience, one that could set you back on your healing journey? 

That your boundaries and sensitivities may not be honoured or respected?

Or that your therapist may not be able to hold a space where all your emotions are welcome? 

That a bad experience could shatter your confidence, especially if you're in a fragile state, or feeling a bit raw and vulnerable?

The reality is that everyone will have a different idea of what a 'safe environment' is.

Your idea will be dependent on where you are in your own life and development right now. And that is something that can change with time and circumstance.

So the answer to that question "Will I be entering into a safe environment?" depends very much on what that would look like to you. 

How Would You Know You Were In A Safe Environment?

How would you know you were in one?

What would you hear, see, smell, taste, touch, sense?

What wouldn't you?

So what would a 'safe environment' be for you?

hands reaching out to each other

John's idea of a 'safe environment' is one in which he wouldn't be robbed or physically harmed.

Mick wants to be sure that he's not breaking any laws by going there. That he's attending a bone-fide Tantra professional therapist. That it's all legal and above board.

Liam desires to heal from his early religious conditioning. This has been a huge barrier to him experiencing healthy intimacy.


It has crippled him sexually and emotionally his entire life.


His idea of a 'safe environment' is one in which all his emotions are welcome. That he can let go and be held in a loving, warm space.

Andy suffers from premature ejaculation. Once when having a massage in a hotel spa, he couldn't help ejaculating. Even though he received no lingam touch. He was mortified.

His massage therapist glared at him, with a look that chilled him to the bone. He's been afraid to receive any type of massage since.

He needs to be sure that if he can't help ejaculating that he won't be shamed or chastised for that.

Tom had his confidence shattered during a bad break-up. To cope with the pain he began drinking more heavily than usual.

He's since put on some extra weight. Believes he has a small penis. He's now very body conscious, and self-conscious about being naked in the presence of a woman.

A 'safe environment' for him means that he can relax, trusting he'll be accepted exactly as he is.

So you see a 'safe environment' or even 'safe' doesn't have a one-size-fits-all definition!

Now you know that, what would it look like to you? You get to decide that for yourself.

You don't have to and shouldn't accept anyone else's definition of a 'safe environment'.

They're not you, they don't live in your skin and haven't had your unique experiences of life. So this is something only you can decide for you.

How Do You Define A Safe Environment For You?

Here's a few questions you may find helpful in deciding...

  • Are you dealing with a particular issue?
  • Something you feel vulnerable around?
  • What would you love to happen in your Tantra massage session?
  • What would you hate to happen?
  • What would boost your confidence?
  • What would shatter it?
  • What would you hear, see, smell, taste, touch, sense, that would make the environment a safe one for you? 

Pay particular attention to what you feel in your gut as you ask these questions. Note down your responses.

When you get clear about what a 'safe environment' would be for you now, that puts you in the driving seat. Then you can actively seek that out.

rocks beside sea at sunrise

You can ask specific questions of any practitioner you consider working with. Then from those answers you can determine if your criteria gets met or not.

Always pay attention to your gut. You have a well of wisdom within you that it's wise not to ignore. No matter what you're told, trust that if it doesn't feel right for you, it's not right for you.

I know what a huge step it can be to act on your decision to experience Tantra massage and to face your fears around that.

It is foundational to any work we do together, whether coaching or massage, that you feel safe. Whatever 'safe' means to you.

Creating A Safe Environment For You

In Divine Ground Tantra Massage my first intention is always to create a safe space for you. Creating a safe environment when working around issues connected with sexuality isn't optional. It's essential.

I'm qualified to do so.

I've completed Dr. Betty Martin's professional training for professionals who touch. Not once, but twice.

Dr. Betty Martin is the creator of the Wheel of Consent and a highly respected authority on consent and boundaries.

Dr. Betty Martin with Abi O'Donovan

With the wonderful Dr. Betty Martin!

It would help for our working together to hear from you. What does a safe environment look like for you?

We can take it from there.

Or you can discover more right now about what actually happens in a Divine Ground Tantra Massage session with me. 


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  1. For me deciding to go for a Tantra massage was a Huge step to take. I knew I needed help but the more I read about Tantra the more confused I became. I could so easily have made the wrong choice. About ‘Will I be entering a Safe Environment?’ I love the graphic, it is very inviting and relaxing, and the article which is very comprehensive is very easy to read and understand. It takes all the worry about will I be safe.

    When I first opened this page I was very impressed by the way you have it set up. It is so easy to follow. Usually on a Tantra site you have to wade through oceans of text and are none the wiser afterwards. Not so with this page. You have covered so many aspects of a safe environment in a very attractive and easy to follow way with lots of relevant questions and answers. I just love this graphic, not at all what I have come to expect from a Tantra site.

    Best regards

    1. Thanks a million for your comment John. From the time I had the first thought about creating this site it was my intention from the start to answer the questions received as clearly as possible. Thanks so much for your affirmation that I’m on track with that!

      I’m delighted to know that the graphic adds so much to the page for you. You know it’s so much easier to write content than it often is to find just the right image. The writing one has control of. Not so with searching for images. There’s often much time spent in a frustrating and futile hunt. I sometimes think there’s a certain amount of luck involved in the process. Yet throughout this site as I look at it now I’m thrilled that I was able to find so many beautiful, powerful images to add. It would be a very different site without them. If luck was involved I think it was definitely on my side on this occasion!

      Best regards,

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