This post may be a challenging read for some, so you're encouraged to use your own discretion before engaging with it.
Give Me A Boy Until The Age Of 7
The statement “Give me a boy until the age of seven and I'll show you the man” was first uttered by Aristotle in about 350 BC, and echoed by the Jesuits over 400 years ago.
They knew what science was later to prove. That before this age, a young child is in a brainwave state called Theta. No rational logical understanding, no reasoning, deduction or conscious questioning is possible in this state. In fact, a child's mind is like a sponge that takes in what it sees, hears and experiences, with no filter.
Imprinted on the subconscious mind, these impressions become programs which later run 95%-99% of its adult life. Some of these programs are life-affirming and positive. Others, exactly the opposite.
Either way, it's out of these that the child begins to develop core beliefs about themselves and the world around them.
With a child's understanding, whatever they take in about their body, God, pleasure, what's good or bad, and what God thinks of them goes in deep. And unless they later do some conscious work to release any negative imprint, it tends to stay with them all their lives.
Pleasure
So many of us grew up being taught to believe that pleasure, especially any form of sensual pleasure, is bad. Now we're supposed to be the most intelligent life form on earth, yet even the most humble animal has the instinctive wisdom to gravitate towards pleasure and away from pain.
Educated out of our instinctive wisdom, some of us were taught to glorify pain and suffering. God was a great sadist in the sky, an old man with a beard killjoy who was always looking to catch you out, to find something to condemn you for.
Pleasure of any sort became synonymous with sin, which invoked shaming and punishment, and so became something to fear.
Yet we had a relationship with pleasure before we were even born. We know this because studies have shown that babies of both sexes self-pleasure in the womb. So imagine, we were enjoying pleasure in our bodies long before being conditioned to believe this was offensive to our creator!
And often for children, self-pleasuring is a way to self-soothe. Especially if there’s chaos happening around them, or they don’t feel safe, seen or heard. At least they know there is one thing that will make them feel better.
“Holy God Is Watching You”
This was my own experience as a child, which I’ve written a bit more about here. After my mother, with a look that would turn fire to ice, invoked the sadist God with those dreaded words, “Holy God is watching you”, that would be the last time I would touch my own body for pleasure until the ripe old age of 27.
At that age, in the depths of depression punctuated by fits of anxiety and panic attacks, I had a profound spiritual awakening that changed everything. In which I experienced that peace that passes all understanding, and somehow I knew everything was going to be ok. It’s hard to explain in words because everything looked the same on the outside, but I no longer felt alone or that I wanted to die. I just knew, it’s all going to be ok.
Not long after, I explored the forbidden territory of my own adult body for the first time. It was a beautiful revelation.
Around this time I made the acquaintance of a couple of wonderful Franciscan priests. They were like a breath of fresh air. On hearing, "As long as you keep praying to a God out there, that's where he'll always be, out there”, I felt something in my body shift in recognition of that truth. That God was not just up there, out there, distant, but in all things, including me.
A Powerful Influence
I was also seeing a counselor for a while, who suggested I start a practice of journaling. Writing each day, stream of consciousness stuff, because it’s a great way to access what’s in the subconscious.
Now the definition of a subconscious belief is that it's a belief that functions below our level of awareness. Often exerting a powerful influence on a person who has no conscious awareness of its existence.
I could not believe that what tumbled out of my subconscious and onto the page one day read, “You can’t get too happy, because God will punish you if you get too happy”.
I stared at those words in disbelief because I knew better now. I’d traded in that boogeyman God in the sky for one that I was intimate with as a much younger child. Whose presence I felt in other people, the trees and the animals, and who I was now deepening into intimacy with again. So where was this coming from?
It was a prime example of how deeply ingrained the early beliefs programmed into us as children can be. And how they can create devastation for the rest of our lives until they’re brought into the light of conscious awareness for release.
Clues
Of course a man may vehemently refute any idea that a subconscious belief in a sadistic or punishing God has any power over him today, especially in relation to his sexual life and expression.
But are there clues that this may have more of an influence than he might imagine?
We know that historically, women's sexuality was so greatly repressed and shut down that for many women it never blossomed again. And what’s not recognized as much as it deserves to be, is how a man's capacity to be at ease with his sexuality also suffered. Along with his ability to enjoy sex, sensuality, and fulfilling, satisfying, loving relationships.
While the emotional distress of men may not be so easily seen, that doesn’t make it any less real. And it does leave clues, which may include…
Drivers
Of course there may be many other drivers behind the above and this is by no means an exhaustive list. But if you can identify with any of the above, imagine for a moment…
What if a misperception from an early age (which is what a negative core belief is) was a significant driver of this?
Trauma expert Dr Gabor Mate says “As young children, we can't live without being taken care of, and out of a fear of being abandoned we give up our authenticity for safety, for approval”.
Threatened with being abandoned or punished by God, or burning in hell forever, many of us did the same thing there too.
A False God
But a God who despises your sexuality, your physicality, is a false God. And the body, far from being an impediment to communion with the divine, is the ground in which we experience it.
It’s not the beliefs we're aware of that cause us the biggest problems, but the ones we're not. Or the ones we deny. Those beliefs which are subconsciously embedded in the limbic brain. Producing results which may be the very opposite of those consciously desired.
I've seen many look for surface solutions to problems in their sexual and relational lives. But if what's keeping the problem alive is a subconscious belief, they never touch it and live with massive frustration. “I've tried everything but nothing's worked”.
Subconscious Beliefs
There came a point a few years ago when I knew it was essential to work with these subconscious beliefs if my clients were to experience lasting change. That’s when I decided to train as an EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) practitioner.
In 2024 I qualified as a Matrix Reimprinting practitioner. This is a gentle process which uses EFT to reimprint, rewrite, and instil new positive beliefs into any past memory. It is a very empowering process for those who wish to let go at the deepest level of that which holds them prisoner to the past.
This is a brief video overview "What Is Matrix Reimprinting?" by its founder, Karl Dawson
Here's a thought I want to leave you with today…
You cannot be separated from the Divine, ever.
If you grew up in fear of a sadistic or punishing God, my prayer for you, if this is not already happening for you is...
That someday in a moment of solitude you will feel a love so deep that the world can’t give to you, and the world can’t take away. And you’ll cry tears of gratitude at the soul deep realization that you never could be and never will be separate from the Divine that lives, breathes and moves within you. That you'll come to know yourself as the divine conduit of love and power in a sacred male body that you are.
And that emotional, psychological and spiritual castration was never required to receive God’s love and approval.
Questions for reflection...
Leave a comment below if the above resonates with you...
