Have you ever been blessed to come to the unshakable realisation that that filling yourself up on the inside takes away any feeling of loneliness in a way that nothing or no-one on the outside can? Seeking outside the self can only bring more loneliness or attract a partner who matches your energetic vibration of the moment. If you’re in a disconnected, desperate place at the time, watch out!
When you fill up with yourself, the loneliness is replaced by a desire for healthy contact with other similarly full human beings who aren’t trying to suck the life out of you.
Much of our cultural programming and conditioning denies the truth that we all have masculine and feminine energies within us, whether we’re in a male body or a female body. What we’re all looking for, whether we’re conscious of it or not is the ‘Inner Marriage’, the union of opposites within the Self.
The programming that we must seek out our contrasexual opposite within an ‘other’ is worth exploring. You’re no doubt familiar with the saying “My other half”. Or worse “My better half”! In relationship, when this other ‘half’ doesn’t live up to our idealisation, our expectation, when they fall off the pedestal we’ve put them on, which they inevitably will, we point the finger and castigate them for not being as we want them to be. “You’ve changed” we cry in anguish. Of course they’ve changed, that’s what they’re meant to do! Everything changes. That’s an inescapable fact of life. ‘They’ are not the problem. Your expectations of what another should be is what causes you pain. Hard perhaps to accept, but true nonetheless.
But don’t take my word for it. Think back to a time when you felt let down, betrayed, bereft. Maybe after a relationship breakup. Either you left them or they left you. Now ask yourself, honestly, what were the expectations you had of this ‘other’? You may not want to see this. You may even feel angry as you read it. But if you want to taste the sweetness of true freedom and love, continue to ask the question until the answer reveals itself. The truth will set you free.
When you’re no longer prepared to live a half-lived painful life, dependent on other people or living their dreams, you’ll discover that your pain is indeed caused by your own expectations, not by the ‘other’. If you’re awake and aware enough to see it you’ll see that through all the pain they were in fact a great teacher for you. They were teaching you to stop looking on the outside for the treasure buried within. There were teaching you to recognise, embrace and love the diamond within.
It’s time to wake up to your authentic power, to see the cultural programming for what it is, a way to keep you disempowered, dissatisfied, believing that fulfilment is to be found in something outside yourself, in being ‘respectable’, in being a good boy or a good girl.
When you see the game for what it is, it’s over for you. You break free. You breathe the clean air of freedom. Freedom is most certainly not as the old song goes “another word for nothing left to lose”. It’s the breaking free from illusions that have enslaved you. It’s breaking free to live and to love from a place of wholeness, from the union and integration of opposites within. It’s freedom from any fruitless searching for external and ephemeral gratification through a job title, wealth, a measure of power over others, that ‘perfect’ partner, your ‘other half’.
As you discover your own completeness in filling yourself up from the inside, the unparalled joy that arises from this discovery becomes a springboard from which to leap into an exciting pool of possibilities with spontaneous delight and abandon. You will have found your Kingdom of Heaven within. And the effect on your outer marriage can be profound, as a whole person is much more attractive than a half one!