February 7

I’m Afraid That I Will Ejaculate During The Tantra Massage. What Happens If I Do?


It's no surprise you might be feeling anxious about this. Because this is without doubt the most frequently asked question! 


For sure, it might seem at first to be weird to think of receiving lingam massage and not ejaculating. You may even wonder why you’d want to! 

Here's something to consider...

The root of the term ‘Tantra’ means to ‘expand and to liberate’.

Divine Ground Tantra Massage is a way in which you can begin to expand your pleasure and to liberate yourself from the limiting experience that is ‘normal’ sexuality. 

This liberating massage enables you to expand into something new and requires first letting go of what limits and constricts you. 

Expanding Beyond The Fear Of Ejaculating In A Tantra Massage

Have you developed patterns of behaviour that prime your body to ejaculate, and afterwards you and/or your partner feel disappointment because it was over too quick?

Be gentle with yourself if you have as this is an almost universal side-effect of 'normal' sexuality.

Part of what you’ll learn in a Divine Ground Tantra Massage is how to reverse these patterns. 

So you can last as long as you and your partner want you to in lovemaking.

loving couple

Why You Don't Have To Worry That You'll Ejaculate During A Divine Ground Tantra Massage

Ejaculation during a Divine Ground Tantra Massage very rarely happens.


Under normal circumstances when you feel aroused and have an erection you may do these 3 things. (If you’re in an appropriate situation for this of course!):

  • Breathe shallowly into your chest.
  • Tighten up your buttocks, thighs, pelvic floor.
  • Have some hard fast stimulation on your lingam.

By doing the above you are priming your body to ejaculate.

If you do have an erection during a Divine Ground Tantra Massage you’re encouraged to do the exact opposite:

  • To breathe in through your lingam and up to your heart centre - the energetic centre of love, compassion and courage in the centre of your chest, and so merging all that powerful potent sexual energy with the energy of your heart centre.
  • Then on the exhale, breathe this out into every cell in your being. As you do this, you move the energy in your pelvis throughout your body. This reduces any urge to ejaculate. As you melt into an expanded state of bliss, that urge is gone.
  • Relax every muscle you normally tighten! It’s common in our culture for men to associate tightening with arousal. In fact, tightening your muscles is a way to resist feeling pleasure. Tightening up is neurologically connected with anxiety and with the fight or flight syndrome. 

When electricity was discovered no-one wanted to go back to oil lamps. As you learn how to enjoy relaxed arousal you’ll never want to go back to anxiety and tension.

scrabble letters spelling anxiety

Lingam Massage in Divine Ground Tantra Massage

The lingam massage in a Divine Ground Tantra Massage is very slow, very gentle and honouring. In a relaxed state of arousal, you may experience a profound state of deep inner bliss. One that you don’t want to end at all!

I’ve never been touched like that in my life” is a sentiment that’s often voiced following this experience.

During the session I’ll be guiding you to breathe and relax. It’s the most normal feeling in the world to feel anxious that you won’t be able to stop yourself from ejaculating. Yet it’s unlikely that you will ejaculate if you breathe as instructed.

What happens if you do ejaculate? The best suggestion is to relax around that question. If you have chronic premature ejaculation, it might happen. That’s ok. Don’t worry about it.

You have to start somewhere. Like anything else it can take time to break ingrained habits that don’t serve you. You have to be gentle with yourself in the process.

Letting Go Of The Fear

A wiser question to ask yourself is ”Will I allow my fears to run me forever, or will I make a decision here and now to run them?

Then look at all you have to lose by letting your fear run you:

  • Living your sexual life in a state of anxiety rather than ease.
  • Holding back out of fear of disappointing, or of embarassing yourself. 
  • Missing out on enjoying all the bliss that's your birthright.
  • Not tasting the sweetness of a beautiful intimate connection with a woman. 
  • Having to live knowing that you let your fear dictate your fate.

I know the courage it takes to face down fear and to make a decision to live an expanded sexual/spiritual life.

And the life that waits on the other side.


anxiety, arousal, bliss, dgtm, ejaculation, embarrassed, expansion, fear, intimate connection, lingam massage, Premature Ejaculation, relaxed arousal, sexual energy, shame, tm

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