“I wanted a massage, not a blow-job!”
On a trip to Dublin I answered an ad for Tantra massage. When I arrived I was told to shower and get on the table. I showered and settled myself on the table, looking forward to the experience. This girl came back in and barked at me to turn over. She then gave me a blow-job. That was it. No further chat, no massage. Sure I wasn’t looking for that at all. I wanted a massage.
Authentic Tantra massage is nothing like the massage parlour sexcapade it’s often portrayed as!
On the contrary, it’s a blissful, beautiful and respectful, body, mind and soul experience. Discover in this post…
- The 7 deadly signs of a Tantra massage scam
- The No.1 lie about Tantra massage
- How to reduce your risk of being a victim
- And how to have a safe, joyful, empowering experience
The 7 Deadly Signs of a Tantra massage scam…
1) Sexual Objectification
Tantra massage is a beautiful holistic experience of the integration of your heart, body, mind, sex and soul. The fact is, you’re a sensual/sexual/spiritual being. You may never have been told that your sexuality is innocent, divine, sacred. Tantra massage can offer you an embodied experience of this truth in every cell of your being. Then real intimacy becomes possible as you experience the connection between your sex and spirit, genitals and heart; and love as authentic power.
Sexual objectification is a denial of this wholeness. It reduces a person to a collection of body parts. As a result of this fragmentation, true intimacy is impossible and it’s a travesty to call this Tantra. It’s actually the opposite of Tantra. No authentic Tantra practitioner would objectify or commodify their own body. Nor allow anyone else to do so.
2) Practitioner Hiding Identity
Tantra acknowledges and celebrates the divinity of our humanity. Accepting our sexuality as sacred is fundamental to this. This being the case, a reputable practitioner will be proud of their calling to serve through Tantra. And so is unlikely to hide their face or true identity.
There may be practical considerations as to why some authentic practitioners may do this though. Especially in a culture in which there’s traditionally been such a deep split between sex and spirit. Because of this it’s wise to look at the context in which a practitioner advertises or promotes themselves. You’ll discover much from this as you keep the other deadly signs in mind. In fact this one is rarely found in isolation.
3) Complete Lack Of Understanding Of What Tantra Massage Is
In a Tantra massage scam, the best selling point is often the size, shape, condition and age of a practitioner’s body. While this may be a factor in erotic or sensual massage that doesn’t go beyond the physical, it betrays a complete lack of understanding of what Tantra massage is all about.
Breath, and conscious loving touch is at the heart of Tantra massage. Thus it’s a deliciously sensual and expansive experience. It’s also truly erotic as you experience the luscious embodied connection of your own sex, heart and spirit. In Tantra massage you surrender into the deep bliss which is your birthright. This is an internal process which can be powerfully healing and stress reducing. It can lead to profound change and transformation in every area of your life.
4) No Emphasis On The Importance Of Breath
Breathing deeply in a manner that encourages the flow of energy in your being is an integral part of a genuine Tantra massage.
In our culture we’re trained to live in our heads. Thinking and reasoning are therefore considered to be more important than feeling. All this busyness of mind creates enormous stress. This can have a devastating effect on your body, emotions and immune system.
At the start of a Tantra massage session you’ll be encouraged to breathe in a way that enables you to drop into your body, connect with and really feel your body. It’s hard to focus on your breath and have your mind chattering away at the same time. In combination with a guided meditation you’ll feel a sense of ease and peace in a few minutes of this breathing as you connect with the divine ground of your own being. As you begin to come home to yourself.
You are encouraged to stay with this breathing pattern during the massage, as the breath moves and modulates the energy in your being. Because of this, the role of the breath cannot be underestimated. If there’s no emphasis on the importance of your breath during a Tantra massage, you can be sure that it’s not genuine Tantra massage.
5) Short Sessions Are Available
Short one hour (or even shorter than that!) sessions are available.
Try this right now; take one of your hands, it doesn’t matter which one. Place it on your other elbow. Your arm should be bare for this. Draw it all the way down your forearm to your fingertips. Notice what you feel.
Now, take the same hand and look at it, really look at it. Take a moment to really feel yourself putting all the love of your heart into your hand. You can ether place it over your heart or think of someone or something you love if that helps. Then put it back on your elbow. Now draw your hand down to your fingertips as before, but this time at about a quarter of the speed you did the first time. As you do this, remain conscious of touching your arm with all the love of your heart. Notice what you feel.
Was there a difference in how you felt between the first time and the second time doing this? Did you perhaps notice your body relax a little more the second time? Was the feeling just physical or do you perhaps feel a bit more emotionally calm now than before you did that exercise? Tantra massage is a sensual massage of conscious, loving touch. So, the slower it is the more you can feel.
It is impossible to do an authentic Tantra massage in an hour. Therefore, if you’re offered a one hour session it’s probably a Tantra massage scam.
6) Alcohol Use
There is alcohol on offer or you’re not advised to abstain from alcohol prior to your appointment. The essence of a Tantra massage is love and consciousness, expansion and liberation. Alcohol is a low vibrational neurotoxin that acts as a depressant on the nervous system. As a result, one drink induces changes in the brain and affects consciousness. You’ll know it’s most definitely not an authentic Tantra massage if alcohol is involved.
7) A ‘Happy Ending’ Is Included
In Tantra we see all parts of the body as sacred. So why leave any part out? And what could be more sacred than the parts of the body that can co-create new life? So in Tantra massage (if you wish to receive genital massage) a genital massage is offered with a respectful sense of honouring the divine presence in every cell of your lingam (the Tantric name for penis which means wand of light). During this, you’re encouraged to relax your entire body. It doesn’t matter if you have an erection or not. This is your opportunity to relax and enjoy receiving conscious, loving touch with no expectation to perform or give back.
During this experience you’re urged to breathe the energy up from your pelvis to your heart centre and throughout your entire being. The lingam massage in Divine Ground Tantra™ Massage is very slow and gentle and can wake up areas of sensitivity in your lingam that you never knew existed.
This slow, soft touch as you relax and breathe in the manner instructed does not create the same urge to ejaculate that hard and fast stimulation to your lingam does. Rather, it gives you perhaps for the first time in your life, the possibility of experiencing your potent sexual energy, connected with your heart energy, as a full body experience. Integrating all levels of your being; body, mind, heart, sex and spirit.
At the very least you’ll benefit from the sense of all of you being accepted and loved. This in itself can be profoundly healing. “People don’t need to be fixed, they just need to be loved”, Dr. Betty Martin.
If you’re offered a ‘happy ending’ you’ll know it’s a Tantra massage scam. A ‘happy ending’ is not part of an authentic Tantra massage.
The No.1 Lie About Tantra Massage
So How Do You Avoid Being The Victim Of A Tantra Massage Scam?
Many people offer erotic or sensual massage and various sexual services. However, some are creating confusion by calling this Tantra. This is not Tantra!
The core wound in our society is the separation of sex and spirit, the denial that our life force energy, our sexual energy, the energy that creates life is divine.
Authentic Tantra massage is a safe and sensual way for you to enjoy the luscious, exquisite, expansive experience of your sacred sexual energy that your heart and soul is longing for.
The best way to avoid being the victim of a Tantric massage scam is to do your own diligent research before putting your precious being into anyone’s hands.
I went for a so-called Tantra massage once. I didn’t like the place. The room was really small and dingy. The girl doing the massage was very pretty, but cold. She snapped at me “Don’t look at me”. It was a horrible experience. I didn’t feel good after it. I don’t think it was real Tantra.
Reduce Your Risk
You’ll find the best Tantra massage experiences are those in which you can deeply surrender and totally let go into the process, let go into your own bliss. However, your unconscious mind is always out to protect you and will only let you relax enough to have this experience when it believes you’re safe.
How To Have A Safe, Blissful, Beautiful Experience
Choose a practitioner you can feel safe with. If you feel nervous or apprehensive, which is normal the very first time you go for Tantra massage, it’s vital that you choose a practitioner you can feel safe with. Even then you may need to have that first session before you find yourself able to fully relax. Let that be perfectly ok, because it is!
Tantra massage can be a step on a journey to a whole new relationship with your sexuality/spirituality at any stage of your life. At times of transition such as after a relationship break-up or loss of a partner, you may be especially vulnerable. As when you’ve made a decision to heal something around your sexuality or move forward into a new expression of it. These are times to take extra care of your precious self.
Checklist Of Tips When Choosing A Tantra Massage Practitioner
- Would you feel confident that they would truly honour and respect you, your boundaries and your vulnerability?
- Would you feel safe with them if unexpected emotions surface during your session?
- Is there a phone number so you can call and speak to them before booking an appointment?
- When you speak to them do they answer any questions you have to your satisfaction?
- It’s absolutely normal to feel nervous and a bit apprehensive before your first Tantra massage session. But do you feel more relaxed or not after speaking with them?
It’s easy to be traumatised by a bad experience. And it can take a long time to get over.
P.S. If you’re a woman looking for a wonderful male Tantra massage practitioner, I can totally recommend Mick Sawtell tantraforwomen.ie as he’s fantastic!